The tree and flirting!

So today we went to get our Christmas tree. Actually, I just wanted to see how much they were and find out if it was something I could spend money on right now. For those of you who know me well, you know how important the tree is. During the worst years, if I had at least a Christmas tree, everything seemed better or at least hopeful. This is Toby's first Christmas and possibly Caesar's last, so the tree meant something extra special. The guy first told me seventy something dollars and I felt quite sad inside about it. We got chatting and then we got flirting. Magically, the tree became $28 dollars!! So. . . it is home and decorated!! Toby kept staring at me wondering why in the world I brought a potty inside for him!! After I turned on the lights, he crawled underneath to lay down!! It was so cute. Caesar joined him shortly after and I caught the picture with my phone!! I love Christmas. It's a time of kindness and hope. This year, it was a time for flirting with the cute tree guy who asked me why I wasn't married!! LOLOL. Mainly, it's a reminder that God loves us and we are never alone. We are also reminded of the importance of our blessings and our families!!

Pay it Forward

Okay everyone. . . I just joined a Pay it Forward exchange and am seeking people who want to do the same. The catch? Really isn't one. Post me a message that you want to join in and I'll send you a little gift. . . then. . . you PAY IT FORWARD to someone else. You do this in the same way by posting a message on your own blog. You're it!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was really enjoyable this year. I had a chance to get together with both my uncles and their families. My grandparents were also able to come visit from Scottsdale, which is a great treat for all of us!!! I swear that every time I see the kids in our family, they look so much older. Maybe I'm just getting really old!! I'm to grateful this year. . . more than other years because this year has brought me so much hope. Last Thanksgiving I remember telling myself that it would be my last grossly fat Thanksgiving. I never imagined I would weigh 160 pounds less the next year and how much of a difference that weight loss would make in the quality of my life!! While I'm still fat, it wasn't about the food this year, though it was great (thanks Mitch and Kris). It was about the people. In the past I felt so uncomfortable with teh way I looked that I focused on eating because then I didn't have to talk to anyone or notice that people were watching the fat girl eat. It was as though I could become invisible. It's the first year that the day didn't result in overeating and overwhelming exhaustion from a tryptophan (sp) high!! It was nice just to chat with family and PARTICIPATE a bit more. I feel so much less like a freak!! I also got a new member of my family this year . . . my little dog, Toby. He is so much fun and I am so grateful to be trusted with his care. My older dog, Caesar, has had some health problems this year and is still with me. I'm afraid it will be his last Christmas; however, I'm so glad that I was able to have him in my life this long!! I am so lucky to have my boys! I also have a new job, which I am really enjoying so far (of course I have only been there three days). I wasn't looking for a new job, but had prayed to know where Heavenly Father wanted me to be where I could feel a sense of purpose. The next day i met the CEO of the company and the rest is history!! Well. . . it's actually the present now!! It is a remarkable opportunity, the pay is higher, and it is a career path and not just another job. I work with people close to my own age and who are all so friendly. I have also been able to truly understand the power of prayer this year!! Never before in my life have I had such a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know he listens to me and loves me. I also know that he wants me to be happy and blesses me every day. It has taught me that I can't just sit back and hope for good things to happen. i have to ASK and be OPEN to them. They have been all around me, but I wasn't watching for them or taking the opportunities when they arise. I love my family . . . immediate family and extended. I am blessed to still have grandparents on this Earth and to have three uncles and aunts!! Thank you to any who read this, because you are people who have enriched and blessed my life! Many of you have provided answers to my prayers in one way or another. Never forget the power one person can make!!

First Day DONE

I really like the people I met at my new job today! Great bunch of people and I can't wait to get settled into my actual job!! So far, the HR director told me I will be in charge of FMLA for the business, which is pretty cool!! I will be doing a lot of research on that in the next two days!! I look forward to that because research is really my thing!! Anyway. . . I was glad I asked for a blessing yesterday and a few friends online helped me feel less stressed before I went to bed (thanks Amy and Brian)!!! OOH. . . the good thing is that my ID badge picture turned out really cute!! I looked at it and thought, "It's a change for me not to be grossed out." LOL. I'll see if I can get a copy of it to post.

Updated slide show - Don't know how to get it to just stay on one section of the page!!

OH SO NERVOUS!!

I start my new job in the morning and I am SO terrified!! What if I don't do well? What if they think I'm an idiot?? It's a new profession for me and I have very little experience in HR!! I rarely take them, but tonight I took a valium because I was stressed out. For those of you who know me well, you know I stress out about things that are unknown to me. The more I know about something beforehand, the less anxiety I feel. I think it comes from never knowing what was going to happen as a kid. OR. . . I'm just a control freak!! I didn't know who to call for a priesthood blessing because I don't have home teachers and my brother works. I asked someone I trust at church today and it was helpful until just a few minutes ago when the anxiety set in again. It's scary leaving the security of state employment, even if I had difficulty relating to a coworker or two (haters) LOL. Now, I'm at the mercy of a private company that may or may not lay me off!! I just have to trust that Heavenly Father wouldn't put this job in my lap to punish me! It is with a lot of faith and trust that I accepted and in many ways, I just want to NOT be the new girl and just know my job already!! So. . . if you pray (to whomever you believe) would you please say a little prayer for me??? Thanks all!

The hair cut

I couldn't stand the straggly hair anymore and decided to get some help with it today. I had about three inches chopped off and it finally feels a little less thing now that the ends are even. At least it will be easy!! With all the new growth I have a ton of little flyaways!!

No skiing today

My poor brother had to cancel today. I could tell he felt bad about it, but of course I was initially selfish and upset because I was so excited to go. It's all good and we are going on the 29th. So. . since this was supposed to be my reward for 157 pounds gone, I'm going to get a massage today instead. My insurance will pay part of it so it will be great!! I LOVE massages!!

157 POUNDS GONE!!

Tomorrow is my first day skiing!! I'm so excited and crazy nervous at the same time. My old high school friend, Michelle Gaillard, loaned me a pair of ski pants and I bought some thermal underwear. Now I'm set!!! It was so fun to talk to Michelle and her husband, Sam, tonight!! They are great people and a few times I had to remind myself that Michelle and I aren't 17 anymore!! Thanks for the loaner and even more. . . for the great company, Michelle!

WAHOO

156 pounds gone!!! I only have three days left at this job and I'm kind of nervous about being unemployed for two days!! What if my new employer calls me next week and says, "Well, because of the economy, we decided we aren't hiring right now." ???? I should stop worrying about things I can't control, I guess. I can't imagine God would send me this opportunity and then yank it away. He's not that type!!

Hair

I'm kind of bummed out about my hair. I'm sure I posted it before, but my hair (a lot of it) has fallen out since surgery. It started to grow back and then some fell out again because of the anemia!! I have a ton of new growth that's about an inch long and it's crazy!! It's so thin that I have to wrap an elastic around it at least four times to put it in a pony tail. My bangs are just non-existent. I know I shouldn't complain, but it really is driving me crazy!! Anyone know someone who does hair who is good enough to figure out something for me while my hair is growing back in??

Skiing

So. . . Adam is going to dare to take me skiing next weekend and I'm so excited!! The only problem is that I have no ski clothes to wear and I'm losing weight so fast, I hate to spend a lot of money on anything that will only fit for three weeks!! If anyone has any ski pants in a size 18, would you consider letting me borrow for a weekend?? I would also appreciate advice on how to dress!!! I'm cold all the time since I lost weight and my core temp is normally around 97 degrees now!! Warm will be key!

Technology

So I finally figured out how to add music and a slide show; however, I can't figure out how to move the slide show to the side. Oh well. . . it is what it is and where it is. I guess it will keep moving down?

Team photo

I'm so proud of my Above and Beyond team. We won the latest challenge and worked our little behinds off. What I noticed this time when I saw a picture of myself, was that I wasn't 20 times bigger than everyone else in the shot. I'm actually starting to look more normal now!!!

I do think this dress looks a bit fundamentalist though. I don't know that I will wear it again!! LOL

Caesar and his vet visit

It's official. I took him to the vet and Caesar is in heart failure. He is now on Lasix and a cardiac medication and will probably be on medication for the rest of his life. It was so sad to see him gasping for air and coughing this morning, I had to overdraft my account to take him in, but it was worth it. I'm just waiting for the Lasix to start working!! The vet said they usually don't live longer than one to two years after symptoms start showing, even with medication. I guess this next year Toby and I will do everything we can to make Caesar happy!!

154 pounds gone!

I don't know how I lost two pounds overnight, but it is what it is!!

Caesar is having trouble

Those of you who have been around me the past few years know that Caesar goes with me everywhere he can. He and I have been glued at the hip and he has been my best friend, when many humans would not have given me a second thought. Hehas been coughing a lot the past six months. I took him to the vet this summer, who did a chest x-ray and said his enlarged heart is pushing on his trachea, which causes coughing. He warned me that the heart will continue to enlarge and he will eventually go into heart failure. I noticed tonight that not only does he cough more often, he breaths really fast at night, like he's not getting enough air!! I'm sad to say that it's time to take him back to the vet and get him on a diuretic. I was hoping to get tires on my car and get it registered (it was due in July), but I think he will have to take priority even before Christmas for my family!! Eventually, it will get worse and he will need to be put down. From what I have read on the internet, they usually don't live longer than a year or two after symptoms start. He has been with me through some really difficult times in my life, he has loved me no matter what I look like, or anything I said or did wrong. He has just loved me for me and has been my best buddy. I am glad I am getting this new job because I am going to need a little more money so I can take him in. I just want him to hang in there for another month!! I do love him.

Update on work drama

So. . . the coworker who has been so mean seems to have a change of heard, perhaps only temporary. She is pretty moody, but I just have to accept her as is. I can't remember if I posted this or not but last Sunday, while trying to decide how to handle her, I woke up and turned on conference rebroadcasts. For those of you reading who are not members of the LDS church, twice a year my church holds a conference where leaders of the church speak to members all over the world. When I turned it on, one of the leaders was speaking about having Christlike courage. Then it went to another speaker who discussed why the church doesn't fight back to defend itself against people who say bad things about it. The lesson was that we have to be an example and forgive. My Ensign subscription has run out, so I need to find this article online at lds.org because it was incredible. It talked about pride and how pride makes us want to defend ourselves, when in reality we are only defending the pride. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I took little gifts to coworkers for Halloween on Thursday and made sure I had one for her. She seemed rather touched and gave me a Halloween necklace to wear for the day since I had no costume. So. . . she is talking again and if tomorrow is a different story, I will still do the same. Appreciate her for her strengths and let her work out her weaknesses on my own. I'll leave the pride at home and just treat her like I treat everyone. . . I try just to be kind.

I hate technology

So I figured out how to put a slideshow bar on here, but can't figure out how to get my pictures from PhotoBucket INTO the slideshow!! Anyone have any idea??? HELP. . . technologically challenged.

152 pounds down!!

Two more down. Unfortunately, I woke up feeling really dizzy today for some reason. Not sure why, but was happy to see I lost two more pounds this week. My. . . it's interesting that I'm actually more obsessed with my weight now than I was when I was 370 pounds. LOL.

Old eating habits

I noticed the past week while housesitting for my parents that old eating habits, such as grazing, have started to creep back into my life. It scares me quite a bit, though I caught it pretty quickly. I just don't get it. I'm losing weight like crazy and I still sabotaged by engaging in poor eating behavior!! It just goes to prove that having gastric bypass doesn't all of a sudden make everything easy. It's not sunshine and roses, because I'm STILL me. . . all the good and the bad. So. . . I'm going to have to get a handle on this soon!! I'm not even close to being done losing! I also haven't weighed in a week because I haven't been home, so I'm a little nervous about weighing in the morning!!

Update

Sometimes I wish I could just find a lot of money somewhere!! I think the worst part of my life right now surrounds money, or lack thereof. I know some of you are reading this blog from across country and will need a little background on this. My church, the LDS church, believes in paying tithing, or 10% of your income, to the church. It is an act of faith and is in the scriptures, which is why it is widely practiced by many other Christian religions. I have not been very good at this and this paycheck I really wanted to pay my 10%; however, then my car broke down and by the time I paid rent and the car repair, I had less than my tithing amount would be. I still had not purchased gasoline for my car or purchased groceries. So, now I"m left with 40$, which isn't a full tithe but is all I have for two weeks. If you have any experience with this or comments that might help me figure out what to do, please share with me!! I believe in God and I know he has really been watching over me. I know it is because of Him that I got this new job and I am so grateful. I would think it would be easy just to hand over the money and deal with nothing. I could take the train and bus to work to save gas. It's just so scary to hand over that last bit.