Caesar and his vet visit

It's official. I took him to the vet and Caesar is in heart failure. He is now on Lasix and a cardiac medication and will probably be on medication for the rest of his life. It was so sad to see him gasping for air and coughing this morning, I had to overdraft my account to take him in, but it was worth it. I'm just waiting for the Lasix to start working!! The vet said they usually don't live longer than one to two years after symptoms start showing, even with medication. I guess this next year Toby and I will do everything we can to make Caesar happy!!

154 pounds gone!

I don't know how I lost two pounds overnight, but it is what it is!!

Caesar is having trouble

Those of you who have been around me the past few years know that Caesar goes with me everywhere he can. He and I have been glued at the hip and he has been my best friend, when many humans would not have given me a second thought. Hehas been coughing a lot the past six months. I took him to the vet this summer, who did a chest x-ray and said his enlarged heart is pushing on his trachea, which causes coughing. He warned me that the heart will continue to enlarge and he will eventually go into heart failure. I noticed tonight that not only does he cough more often, he breaths really fast at night, like he's not getting enough air!! I'm sad to say that it's time to take him back to the vet and get him on a diuretic. I was hoping to get tires on my car and get it registered (it was due in July), but I think he will have to take priority even before Christmas for my family!! Eventually, it will get worse and he will need to be put down. From what I have read on the internet, they usually don't live longer than a year or two after symptoms start. He has been with me through some really difficult times in my life, he has loved me no matter what I look like, or anything I said or did wrong. He has just loved me for me and has been my best buddy. I am glad I am getting this new job because I am going to need a little more money so I can take him in. I just want him to hang in there for another month!! I do love him.

Update on work drama

So. . . the coworker who has been so mean seems to have a change of heard, perhaps only temporary. She is pretty moody, but I just have to accept her as is. I can't remember if I posted this or not but last Sunday, while trying to decide how to handle her, I woke up and turned on conference rebroadcasts. For those of you reading who are not members of the LDS church, twice a year my church holds a conference where leaders of the church speak to members all over the world. When I turned it on, one of the leaders was speaking about having Christlike courage. Then it went to another speaker who discussed why the church doesn't fight back to defend itself against people who say bad things about it. The lesson was that we have to be an example and forgive. My Ensign subscription has run out, so I need to find this article online at lds.org because it was incredible. It talked about pride and how pride makes us want to defend ourselves, when in reality we are only defending the pride. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I took little gifts to coworkers for Halloween on Thursday and made sure I had one for her. She seemed rather touched and gave me a Halloween necklace to wear for the day since I had no costume. So. . . she is talking again and if tomorrow is a different story, I will still do the same. Appreciate her for her strengths and let her work out her weaknesses on my own. I'll leave the pride at home and just treat her like I treat everyone. . . I try just to be kind.

I hate technology

So I figured out how to put a slideshow bar on here, but can't figure out how to get my pictures from PhotoBucket INTO the slideshow!! Anyone have any idea??? HELP. . . technologically challenged.

152 pounds down!!

Two more down. Unfortunately, I woke up feeling really dizzy today for some reason. Not sure why, but was happy to see I lost two more pounds this week. My. . . it's interesting that I'm actually more obsessed with my weight now than I was when I was 370 pounds. LOL.

Old eating habits

I noticed the past week while housesitting for my parents that old eating habits, such as grazing, have started to creep back into my life. It scares me quite a bit, though I caught it pretty quickly. I just don't get it. I'm losing weight like crazy and I still sabotaged by engaging in poor eating behavior!! It just goes to prove that having gastric bypass doesn't all of a sudden make everything easy. It's not sunshine and roses, because I'm STILL me. . . all the good and the bad. So. . . I'm going to have to get a handle on this soon!! I'm not even close to being done losing! I also haven't weighed in a week because I haven't been home, so I'm a little nervous about weighing in the morning!!

Update

Sometimes I wish I could just find a lot of money somewhere!! I think the worst part of my life right now surrounds money, or lack thereof. I know some of you are reading this blog from across country and will need a little background on this. My church, the LDS church, believes in paying tithing, or 10% of your income, to the church. It is an act of faith and is in the scriptures, which is why it is widely practiced by many other Christian religions. I have not been very good at this and this paycheck I really wanted to pay my 10%; however, then my car broke down and by the time I paid rent and the car repair, I had less than my tithing amount would be. I still had not purchased gasoline for my car or purchased groceries. So, now I"m left with 40$, which isn't a full tithe but is all I have for two weeks. If you have any experience with this or comments that might help me figure out what to do, please share with me!! I believe in God and I know he has really been watching over me. I know it is because of Him that I got this new job and I am so grateful. I would think it would be easy just to hand over the money and deal with nothing. I could take the train and bus to work to save gas. It's just so scary to hand over that last bit.

Jealousy rears its ugly head

So I told the coworker who has been treating me badly about my new job this morning. She said, "What makes you think YOU can do HR work?" That was it She ignored me most of the day except to make another rude comment about how I won't be going to the seminar I have been helping with if I was training someone. I said, "That's my last day. . .that's not my concern. I'm going to the training and going home." Everyone just looked at me with shocked looks on their faces. She is one of those people who are miserable in her life and she hates to see someone else do well. It's as though the smaller I get and the happier I become. . .the meaner she is to me. Is this jealousy? My other coworkers were shocked today too when she sent me an email telling me (not asking) to make sure I clean my desk today and put everything away because it bothers her that my personal things are out when she does the mail for me when I'm gone. I'm going to be out on Monday. The good thing is that the next three weeks will go by very quickly and when all is said and done. . . I will be off to start a career with better pay than she makes. . . and she will still be there. I won't have to deal with it anymore. The other job doesn't know what I looked like before. They just know me for who I am now. I feel bad for her. I really do hope that she finds a way to let some happiness in her life. Mainly. . . I'm just hoping she doesn't try to make my last three weeks miserable.

New Job

I accepted the job with MediConnect Global at 40 K a year, which is a $3.50 raise for me!! It's also a profession and not just a job, which is about time for me. I'm 36 and it's time that I have something permanent that can lead somewhere. It's an HR position and after a few months if I want to, she wants to move me into an account management position!!!! I am so excited, I can hardly stand it!!! My boss isn't going to make me pay back my $5,000 tuition reimbursement, which is very kind of him because they could!!He was so happy for me and sad at the same time. I gave almost a month's notice, so I start the new job on November 24th. I will be uninsured in December and January, which is scary!! Sometimes in order to get something better, you have to be willing to take a chance!! I can't imagine God would make all this work if He didn't believe it would be better for me. I don't believe He's into punishing people just for fun!

WAHOO

New milestone!!! I have finally hit the 150-pound lost milestone!!! I'm so excited and it's only been nine months since surgery!!! WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO

Memory Grove and other stuff

I spent the morning trying to put together my team's paper for school and was so frustrated!!! I decided the dogs and I had to get out of the house and get some air. We went to a place downtown called Memory Grove. It's a beautiful nature area and there is an area of the park on the east side of the river that is an off leash dog area. It is right by the Capitol complex where I work and I often walk there during lunch breaks. My dogs had never been there until today. I was so frustrated and my car overheated on the way. All I could do was be cross with the dogs who were just excited to get out of the house. Once we got to the off leash, lush, foresty area my stress just went away!! It was so great to see the dogs explore and be happy together! I felt very blessed to have them and to live in such a beautiful state. We went off trail for quite a bit and hiked up the steep hills, across the water, etc. Toby is filthy, but he had so much fun!! Caesar was our protector when other dogs approached. It was cute because Toby tends to stay at my heels whenever he is off leash. he gets nervous and feels safe when he is by me. It's cute. Also. . . I was given a job offer for a HR position at that company. The bad news is that it is only about 93 cents an hour more, which was disappointing. I got the insurance information Friday and it is way more expensive and worse coverage!! I am going to ask for two dollars more an hour and see what they do. If they say no. . . I will just stay where I am.

LOLOLOL when people don't recognize me

I met an old coworker at my old place of employment today and no one recognized me!! It was hilarious when they greeted my old coworker (who quit there are few months ago) and just smiled at me until I explained who I was. They looked at me in shock and would immediately hug me!! It was so funny to see their faces!!! I loved every second of it. It's funny to me because I feel like the same person inside, but I realize that it is such a shock to see me 147 pounds lighter in such a short time!! I guess I would be shocked too!

NAILED IT

I had an interview today for a management position at MediConnect Global. Honestly, I wasn't really looking for a new job because the benefits with the state are so good. I heard the MediConnect CEO speak at Orrin Hatch's Womens Conference on Monday and she was absolutely incredible!! I told her through email that I appreciate her presentation and that it was an answer to a prayer for me because I had no idea what I was going to do with a medical background when I get my communication degree. She was so motivating and really forced the idea that there really is nothing we can accomplish if we have passion. I thanked her for that and told her that if I can lose 147 pounds in eight months I can do anything!! She responded by asking for my resume! So I went in today for the interview and I think I nailed it!! I just finished an hour-long evaluation, which was more like an IQ test, complete with algebra!! I'm so exhausted because it wouldn't let me use a calculator!!!!! I forgot how to multiply fractions and I got an A- in algebra in January and I did that on the final just fine!! So, now they will think I'm stupid, but I will wait and see. Honestly, if they offer it to me I don't know what to do. What do I do about losing tuition reimbursement and possibly having to repay what the state has given me for reimbursement? There are so many what ifs. I'm in a job now where I really don't have anything to do but answer the phone and do homework. There is no challenge, no self-esteem related to what I do. This job would be incredibly important to the company and they would pay me well. I don't know if they have a tuition reimbursement, but if they offer me a job I will ask about insurance, benefits, tuition reimbursement, etc. Can I do it without reimbursement? Yes. . . I can put any extra money I make above what I have now into savings to save money to pay off the last three classes that won't be covered. I look forward to getting $577 dollars every five weeks though!! Anyone have any advice for me??? I could use some because I'm scared.

Ahhh. . . Puppy

Isn't Toby adorable?? He was so fascinated by the camera on the laptop. He kept posing for one picture after another!! So I'm 147 pounds gone and I walked four miles today. I'm hoping I can hit 150 by Monday!! Wouldn't that be cool to hit that milestone at only eight months postop???? My coworker finally has decided to stop hating me, which is nice. It's finally civil at work and it makes it so the days aren't painful anymore. It really makes for a long day when you aren't getting along with someone. Honestly, I still have no idea what I really did wrong so I guess I don't have to worry about it. If you're reading this. . . hope you're doing well.

Healing and feeling old. . . LOL

So. . . I will be 36 on Sunday and I am so happy that I will be 145 pounds lighter this year than last year. My birthday wish last year was that I would be smaller by my 36th birthday. It's amazing though that the more weight I lose the more my back hurts!!! I went to physical therapy yesterday and today, which has helped some but I thought losing weight was supposed to fix all the pain. LOL. Doctors lie!!! Also, most of you know that I am a student. I was told that my student loan limits were going to be reached before I was done with classes and I was really worried about how I was going to come up with $6,000!!!! I don't want anything to stop me from graduating this time. My ex stopped me last time when I lost ex's second income and had to leave school so close to graduation. You guys also know that I am a firm believer in prayer. It doesn't matter if you go to church or not, prayers are answered. I prayed that somehow there would be a way to help me graduate. Yesterday, I was told that the government increased the loan limits from 47,000 dollars to 57,000 dollars!!! So. . . now I will only have to pay for about two classes (3,000) and if I save all my tuition reimbursement, I will have enough!!!! My coworker is being quite difficult lately. It seems that she is a huge control freak and is trying to control me as well (since I am the peon in the office, I am the easiest target). It's been exhausting to be around someone who not only doesn't communicate well in general, but who now is upset that I weigh less than her and that I am happy. It's as though she wants me to be miserable like her and I hate being around people like that. We are on day seven of the silent treatment right now and I can't stand it. She's 50+ and acts like she's 12. My only feeling of sanity comes from knowing that I will graduate and leave there to something better. Some day I will ahve a graduate degree and she will be an insurance adjuster who couldn't find an insurance job and is still working as a secretary!!! Her husband can't (or won't) find a full-time job so she has a lot of stress, but it isn't my fault.

Strange hunger

Since my surgery last Friday, I have been wanting to eat every two hours. Isn't that strange? I wonder if it is my body's way of prompting me to eat more to help with healing?? Since protein encourages cell regeneration, I guess it is a possibility; however, I don't want to eat protein. I want to eat fruit, etc. Hmmm. . . strange. I haven't stepped on the scale. If anyone actually reads this and is wondering about surgery. . . keep in mind that bowel movements will never be the same. I have used Miralax for four days and NOTHING!

WHEW

I must say that I am really happy that I didn't need pain medicine today until 7:30 pm!!! Things are lookin' up! I was also feeling pretty grateful for some awesome health insurance. My surgery will probably only cost me about 300 dollars out of pocket and I have a benefit card to cover the costs so it doesn't have to come out of my pocket!!! WOW. . . lucky. AND. . . as of this morning. . . 140 pounds gone!!

Proof that God knows. .. LOL

I was supposed to go back to work today and woke up feeling really sore. I forgot that driving a car over bumpy roads can also cause pain. By the time I reached the Capitol I was seriously wondering how I was going to make it through 11 hours (including lunch). When I arrived, Highway Patrolmen were lined up at the entrances telling employees to go home. There was a water main break and they had to close the Capitol Complex today. So. . . God loved me so much that he flooded the Capitol so I could have another day off!!! Talk about gratitude!!

Feeling better!

I got up this morning and felt a little sore, but it was dealable. I kept coughing up a lot of phlegm so I took Caesar for a short walk to get my lungs cleared out. Then I took a nap, woke up and picked up Toby from my parents. I could only stay at their house for an hour or so until I was finally in enough pain that I had to come home and take something. I work tomorrow for 10 hours and I realize I will probably have to take pain medicine while I am there, but I think I can do it. I also took a shower tonight and didn't have any trouble!!! I'm pretty sore right now and am just going to hang in bed for the rest of the night.

Better

I feel a lot better today and am less whiney. I re-read my Lortab-induced post from yesterday and said to myself, "geez. .. what a whiner." I think that the hard thing is. . . it's times like that when I remember that I'm still not married. It's just a reminder that I have a great family and everything, but there's no one to really share in those parts of my life. . . you know, like a spouse does. Oh well. . . never know what the next year will hold! BUT. .. I do need to stop whining. LOL

Home from the hospital

I met with the surgeon yesterday about the gallbladder pain and he admitted me to the hospital. He said I was too dehydrated and sick (malnourished) for him to operate but he did my surgery this morning after a lot of fluids and vitamins. He noticed that my liver was no longer fatty, but it had a strange nodular look, so he took a biopsy. That pain is actually worse than the gastric bypass. I will find out the results in about five days. I couldn't believe how much pain I was in when I woke up in recovery. They gave me Fentanyl, but it dropped my blood pressure so low that they were afraid to give me any more than two doses, neither of which removed the pain. I went back to my hospital room and the nurse gave me some Demerol, which did help a bit. Typical of the new me, despite severe pain, I wanted to get up and go to the bathroom right away so I could speed the healing process. I was also used to getting up on my own to the restroom and just taking care of myself because the night before I was doing pretty well and didn't need any help up out of bed. Today, I tried to do the same thing and upset my Nazi CNA, who wanted me to call for help first. If I waited for her, I would have wet the bed each time! I realize that I like being a hospital employee much better than a patient. The worst thing was that I felt totally alone. My parents weren't able to come visit at all on Thursday and no one was there when I came out of surgery. My dad did show up about 30 minutes after I got back to my room and I felt so relieved to see someone, especially when I was in so much pain. My mom finally showed up around 5 pm Friday to take me home. She bought me my new favorite meal, a taco, on the way home and a salad for tomorrow. She is also going to keep my dogs another night. I don't think I can get up and down the steps of my apartment building to let the dogs out all day. I do appreciate that. I hate it that my life is getting so much better, but it just makes me feel more and more aware of not being in a relationship. I walked around the hospital unit and looked at everyone else surrounded by husbands, wives, loved ones, etc. and it kind of broke my heart. I hope that Heavenly Father has something in store for me because I have a lot to offer someone now, especially now that I am getting smaller and smaller. My waist size is now the same size as my thigh was before I started losing weight!! I was proud of myself though because last time I was in a hospital bed there on the unit, I completely filled the bed with no room to spare. This time, I fit just great and had so much room to move around! I also feel stronger, healthier, and better prepared to take care of myself, so I made my mom just drop me off at home. Sometimes the best medicine is your own bed!!! Anyway. . . sorry for the long post. Just wanted to leave an update.

Grateful

I was thinking today, which is always dangerous. . . I was thinking about how much my life has changed since January. I took Trax and a bus to work this morning and I haven't done that since the week before surgery. I remember taking up the whole aisle in the train and people having to move around me. I also used to take up both seats on the train. . . now I don't. I would fill up the whole seat and my stomach was a few inches away from the back of the seat in front of me. Now. . . I look almost like everyone else when I sit down. Even the creepy guys on the train stare at me now, which is a new thing. I was told to get used to it because the smaller I get, the creepier they become. It's a strange feeling to HAVE to plan a future now. I honestly didn't think I would live long enough to have one. I don't think I wanted to live long the way I was. I went from wanting to hide from life to feeling like I want to be part of the world again. It's such a blessing that I can't believe God would love me enough to make it happen. That my grandparents would love me and care enough about my future to help me have this surgery is amazing. They don't have that kind of money to just give away. It helps remind me that I have worth. . . some day I hope to discover what my future holds. I'm hoping for a great guy. LOLOL.

Just waiting. . . and aching. . . and waiting

Any of you ever have those days when you just wonder what else can go wrong? Everything seems to come in threes, I guess. Kidney stone, gall stones, and now my car! Seems like every time I plan a surgery my car picks that time to have trouble. LOL. Maybe I should stop sharing my plans with my car?? So. . . I meet with the surgeon on Thursday and then we plan surgery. I'm hoping they will just add me on the surgery schedule Thursday or Friday. I don't really have much time off work (three days) and I would like to save it instead of wasting it on my gall bladder!! The surgeon's new nurse is an idiot and didn't understand what I was saying about being an add on for Friday. She is obviously not that oriented to how things work in medicine. I'm really glad I have medical experience. I can't imagine what it is like for people to have surgery who have no knowledge of how things work. It would be scary. So. . . cross your fingers that I can get it over with this week. I'm tired of feeling crappy every time I eat!!! I avoided eating Monday, which caused me to lose two pounds; however, I would prefer to eat!! BTW. . . 137 pounds gone!!! 90 to go.

LONG, PAINFUL DAY

I doubled over today in pain. . . I thought I was going to die!! I have never experienced pain like that and my brother took me to the E.R. I was covered in sweat and my temp was so low, due to shock, that it wasn't registering on their thermometer!! It turns out that not only do I have gallstones that are acting up, I also have a KIDNEY STONE!! OMG. . .Supposedly it is worse than childbirth and with both of them, I was miserable. I have developed a fondness for morphine though!! I love it like nothing else on Earth! Well. . . I can't eat the foods I love more than anything, so morphine is as good as I can get! I'm home now and worried because the pain is starting to come back a little bit and I only have Lortab. I hope it works!! I guess I will ahve to get my gallbladder removed now!

Toby

I sent a picture of Toby to his breeder and she immediately wrote to me and told me I shouldn't have him neutered. I'm not sure how I feel about being a puppy pimp!! It seems so wrong. Anyone have any suggestions or advice on this?? Yes. . . he IS adorable, but I don't know if I want to deal with the personality changes that go with the hormones either!! Having him possibly mark my house isn't an ideal thought!!

Salt and Pepper hiking dogs

I took my dogs hiking in Millcreek canyon today to Dog Lake. It is a three mile hike each direction and I was pretty worried about taking a 14-year-old and a 7-month-old dog on a long hike like that. Caesar just came alive!!! He cruised up and didn't really look like he was feeling anything until the last 1/4 mile that is all up hill. Toby did a great job too and his whole 5 pound frame managed to get him up and back with only being carried for about a mile total!!!!! I was so proud of them, though we all came back pretty filthy!! It was a pack shower and I was the only member of the pack who likes to shower. LOLOL

Lagoon!!

I went to Lagoon today for the first time in years. Last time I went I had to get off the rollercoaster because the lap bar wouldn't lock into place. Today. . . my mom and I went together. I have lost 130 pounds and she has lost 40, so we decided to see how much of a difference it made. I FIT IN EVERY RIDE I WANTED!!! My mom and I fit together in Jet Star II!!! I am so grateful right now. New worlds are opening up to me. I saw a woman sitting on a bench reading who probably weighs as much as I did. I know her heart was breaking to watch everyone else ride and have fun. I hope she has someone to help her like I did. I hope my grandparents realize how grateful I am that they paid for my gastric bypass. What they did was buy me a future!!! I have also started a jogging regimen to build my stamina for jogging. I don't know why, but I have it in my head that the ultimate goal would be to be able to run or jog a mile in 10 or 15 minutes. That is my goal and I don't know how long it will take. I don't care. . . I WILL do it.

Funny!!

I worked as an usher Friday night for the Deer Valley Music Festival. It rained most of the day but cleared up by the time people arrived for the concert. The problem was that there was mud everywhere and I wore flip flops with NO tread. All the concert goers did fine and no one fell. Well. . . except me. I did it TWICE!!! ROFLMAO. It was so freaking funny. The first time was while I was removing tags from the back of the chairs after the concert and I slipped going down one of the aisles. I landed on the ground with one leg under me. The second time was while I was getting my things together to leave. I was laughing with someone about falling when I fell the second time. This time I landed right on my back side!!! I miss that padding I have lost!! Today, I can barely sit down it hurts so bad!!! LOLOLOL I guess there ARE some drawbacks to losing weight! My pants were a muddy mess on BOTH sides.

Okay.. . can't figure out how to make the picture smaller. It's not a great picture, as I am wearing no makeup and am sick. My left eye is also swollen. LOL. It does show that I have lost another chin in the last three weeks!! Where do they go??? I just got back from vacation in Scottsdale at the Four Seasons with my mom and brother. It was so posh and I had a great time. I even hung out by the pool!! Can you believe it?? I can't wait until this time next year when I look decent enough to hang out by the pool! LOLOL. My seatbelt on the airplane actually fit!! Can you believe it?? It's been so many years since I have been able to use the seatbelt on an airplane. I guess that if you have never been as big as a house, you will not be able to understand how cool that is. I came back home with a cold, but I lost two more pounds on vacation. WHO LOSES WEIGHT ON VACATION??? Wait. . . I guess I do!! Wow. . . things have sure changed.

YAHOO

119 pounds now!!! So. .. . I went to the Deer Valley concert on Saturday by myself (couldn't find anyone to go with me). I had no problem walking from the parking lot to the booth this year, unlike previous years. I stopped to look at sweatshirts for sale and I couldn't figure out what size I am now. The lady suggested I try and large and I told her the only larges I wear have numbers in front of them (2XL, 3XL, etc). She laughed and told me to try it. I now own a LARGE sweatshirt. . . not gargantuan!! Then I looked at the seating. . . They have little camping type chairs and I worried I wouldn't fit in them. I had NO problem!! It was so much fun and the concert was wonderful. I made friends with a couple sitting next to me and we danced the twist during one of the songs!! I left there feeling so happy to be alive and to be able to do things I couldn't do before. I loved it so much that I volunteered for the rest of the music festival!!! I get free tickets, so everyone should make friends with me!!

It worked

Switching back to protein did the trick. .. three pounds gone!! Today is my six month surgiversary and I'm down 115 pounds!! I'm so happy!!!

Ahhh. . . I hate food

So. . . if you haven't had a food addiction, I guess you won't understand this post and you can just stop reading now. The thing is. . . I LOVE food. I have always loved food. When I'm upset, angry, happy, sad, bored, etc. . . I use food as a drug. It's been very effective, except that it got me up to 370 freakin' pounds!! The surgery has been great because I have been afraid to try things with sugar in them; however, I started to experiment with those little dang goldfish crackers. Talk about addicting. They're cute, cheesy, tasty, crunchy, and they have a smile on them!! I originally bought them to use while hiking, but they kept sneaking out of the cupboard and jumped into my mouth. So. . . I'm now back off carbs entirely again. Today was my first day on all protein again and I am pleased that I was able to do it. I craved all afternoon!! It's insane!! Is it possible that they could be evil???

An old picture

This picture is from 7/3/07. I can't believe how huge I was. I realize that I now have a neck!!! It's amazing to me that many people are the size I am now when they first have the surgery. SOOO far to go but I already feel a lot better!! Just wanted to share this because it was such a shock to me!

BORING

I'm sitting here at work resisting the urge to eat Ritz crackers because I'm bored out of my mind. Government waste, my friends. That's it, pure and simple. I get paid to sit here and answer the phone between games of Mahjong and Solitaire. Rough life. When I go back to class on August 5th, I will also be doing my homework. The worst thing is that when the state employees switch to ten hour shifts. . . it gives me TWO more hours of Mahjong and Solitaire!!! It sure makes the days go by slowly!

Facebook Account

For anyone who actually might read this and wants to see more pictures. . . check out my facebook profile. Just go to www.facebook.com and type in my name (Michelle Christensen) in Taylorsville, Utah. I think it comes up as Salt Lake City, but the picture on my facebook account is the same as the profile picture on this blog, so you can't miss it.

Caesar

I had to take Caesar to the vet today because he has had some pretty horrible coughing fits. He's an old dog, but I don't think it is appropriate to let him suffer if something as simple as antibiotics can make him feel better. So. . . he had a chest x-ray and his heart is slightly enlarged from a heart murmur. His heart looks as though it is pushing against his trachea, which may be causing his coughing. The vet said it could also be kennel cough, so he is treating him for kennel cough with antibiotics just in case. He also gets cherry flavored cough syrup, which he hates but he hasn't coughed since I gave it to him. I'm not ready for my buddy to leave me yet. I am grateful for him, but I do hope he lives longer. I hate watching the changes in his aging body; however, I will appreciate him for as long as I can keep him with me. I'm pleased that God has considered me worthy to take care of his two boys.

Two puppies=CHAOS

I have my parents' puppy at my house right now and she is playing with her brother (Toby). It is absolute chaos in here!! Caesar is sitting on the couch staring at them in amazement. They have so much energy. No wonder my parents gave me Toby. . . having two puppies is a lot to handle for an extended period of time. For some reason they insist on sitting on my chest while I type!! The joys of a laptop. . . by the way, did you know that laptops can sit on your lap?? This is the first time I have had enough lap to hold a laptop!!

WOW

Today I attempted to tackle Rattlesnake Gulch in Millcreek Canyon again!! I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am that I can hike!!! I got father this time than last weekend and that's the goal! I can't believe how much 111 pounds gone can make. It's a whole person!! I was pretty much the only person on the trail for about two hours today and I jut stood there for some time looking out at the view. I got teary eyed because for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm just so friggin' glad to be alive!! Not just to be alive. . . but to LIVE!! Actually LIVING life is different than being alive. I still have so much weight to lose and I can't imagine how much better life is going to get!! This week has been one great thing after another and this year has been the best year I have had in a LONG LONG time!! Can't believe I'm actually in an HONOR'S program now at school and am planning GRAD SCHOOL! Never would have imagined!

Confused

I had school tonight and my instructor called me over after class to chat. She is concerned that U of P is not challenging me enough because of the students in my class. She said that my writing is excellent and above what most are turning in for college papers, so she wanted to suggest that I leave this school group somehow and get with a different group of people. I told her that I am switching to online classes in a month and she said she thinks it will be the best thing. They are trying to put together an honor's curriculum and she put my name in for it. Interesting food for thought. She also suggested that I think seriously about grad school and I have. I will be going, I just don't know where yet. I think it will probably be human resource management or communications. . . I don't know what my options are yet. She also recommended that I take at least six months off school after I graduate before I start grad school. So. . . I guess my student loans will continue to accumulate for quite a few more years. I hope I'm making the right choice. Michelle

Tired

I'm so tired today. My older dog decided to pick last night as a great time to be sick. I was up all night with him and am now barely able to keep my eyes open. He's doing better today, but MAN. . . I can't imagine how stressful human children would be!!! I went to the PEHP Healthy Utah thing today and my cholesterol is 195!!! I have lost 111 pounds and am just feeling great!! I can't believe it. I do hope the weight continues to fall off!! I still haven't quite figured out facebook. . . but it is my future goal!

Changes

WE watched a video in class last night and the guy on the video said to focus on the good things in your life so you have energy to fix the things that are wrong. I really like that thought. Also. . . we cannot see things until we believe in them. Our own personal vision is more powerful than anything else and can bring about amazing change in our lives. On that note .. . the governor announced his new work schedule for state workers. Four ten hour shifts and Fridays off. I LOVE IT, except that I have school Wednesdays at 6 pm and I won't get off work until 6 pm. I might have to switch to online classes in order to finish, but they are a little more expensive. So. . . focus on the things that are going right. . . for strength to fix the rest. I'm going to try it. Things going right: Weight loss; Two great dogs I love; Great family; A roof over my head; A car that is working; A job that pays for my life; The ability to earn my degree; being alive. Whenever I turn my cell phone on, it says "today is a great day to be alive." I realize it and believe it. So. . . it WILL be a great day to be alive . . . if I MAKE it so. It's up to each of us to make a life out of whatever we have been given.

A little improvement

I stuck to my own business today at work and just tried to be friendly with everyone. I think it paid off. The women were fairly decent to me today and one of them actually chatted with me on the way out to the car. Ever tried Spitz brand sunflower seeds?? You should try them. I bought a bag and I noticed that some dill flavored seeds were mixed in with my salted. I emailed the company just to let them know. They sent me six bags of seeds, four bags of just the seeds without the shell, two bags of pumpkin seeds and a tshirt!! Talk about customer service!!! I also wrote my paper for school while I was at work. I am so grateful to have a job that allows me to do homework. Honestly, who gets to do that?? I don't think it's a very good paper though and I'm not sure what to do about it at this point. I'm just glad it's done! My school team was supposed to get me their portions of our outline yesterday by 9 pm. I didn't get some until today and the final submission wasn't sent in until today at 6 pm. It is due tomorrow! I am a little frustrated and from now on. . . the one who turns it in the latest after the deadline gets to do the editing. At lunch today, this really nice black guy I always say hello to asked me out. LOLOL. It's kind of strange how this seems to be happening. I honestly don't think I should date coworkers but there is nothing wrong with making friends. M

Well. . . today was uncomfortable at work. I honestly said fewer than 10 words to any of the women in the office. I'm telling you. . . they are having issues with me losing weight. They liked me better as fat Michelle. Now. . . I'm starting to look better and it is probably difficult for one that she is now the biggest woman in the office. I wish I could find a job that paid as well somewhere else. Honestly, the same women are everywhere. THey just have different names. I have decided that I need to remind myself that I am just there to get a paycheck so I can go home, where my life is. Governor Huntsman is announcing his new energy plan for employees this week. Stay tuned. We think he is going to announce four, ten hour shifts per week to save employees money on gas. For single parents, I wonder how they are to find a daycare that will stay open until 7 pm or later?? I know my dog's daycare doesn't stay open that late, but I hope to be able to take school days as my day off during the week!!

I survived

My brother took me on the hike this morning and it was tough. I was so impressed with how in shape my brother is!! He has worked hard to lose weight and I'm proud of him. He was also very patient with me, which was surprising. I haven't learned how to fuel my body now that my food is limited. He kept trying to get me to eat a power bar, but it had 16 grams of sugar!!! I wasn't sure how often you're supposed to eat something while hiking, etc. I did really well and then I was having to stop every ten feet or so and I knew I was spent of energy. We turned around at that point. It felt good though, because I hiked farther than I did last weekend!!! My legs don't hurt yet so I'm hoping that continues. Did you know that there are flies that BITE? Those little bastards bit me on the hike. There were flies everywhere!! My shoulders are crazy sore from my massage yesterday!! I am also dreading going back to work tomorrow with the witches!!! AARGH. I should get hazard pay for working with them. Another day pretending that I don't care about them being jerks. . . make it through another week so I can have time away from them.

Dog

You will probably read about my dogs so I thought I should post some pictures. 

My older dog is a Westie mix (white dog) named Caesar and he is 13 years old. He's a great friend and I can't imagine life without him. The puppy was a new addition, Toby (Shih Tzu). He is five months old and our stomachs are the same age since I had surgery two days after he was born!!

Toby, Caesar and I went to a charity event for No More Homeless Pets in Utah last month.  It is called Strut Your Mutt.  The last time I went I was so heavy I couldn't walk Caesar around the park with the other dogs, so my brother had to walk him around for me.  THIS YEAR  I walked both dogs around and we had a great time.  

First post

This is my before picture!! Look at all the chins! I can't believe I'm actually a blogger now. Who knew I could be high tech enough to do it. Well. . . on January 18, 2008, I had gastric bypass surgery at St. Mark's Hospital in Salt Lake City. I weighed 370 pounds and was miserable, in pain, and at 35 years old I figured I wouldn't live to see 40. It is five months later and I have lost 107 pounds!!! I feel so great and can exercise without pain for the first time in years. My body is just shrinking like crazy. The drawback: People treat me different. It seems that some people, like some coworkers, preferred me bigger, as now I am smaller and feeling better. I actually get told I am pretty. I'm single, no kids, in school and have a great life ahead of me. For some of them, their lives suck and I think jealousy has reared its ugly head. I can't really worry about it, I guess, though it does make my days long and emotionally draining to have to deal with the silent treatment from women who are twenty years older than I am. So. . . if you are reading this, welcome to my blog. I'll do a few of them to kind of catch you up to today. M